i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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