return my video game
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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