I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
