If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
