We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
