every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
worst night to have a conscience
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He passed out mid-signature
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I will be naked everywhere
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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