listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
