You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
