in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
