I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
