I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
