are you still at the devil's house?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
