Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize