i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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