I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
