I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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