Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it because I queefed?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
