I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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