After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
