I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
