I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
