Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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