Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
