At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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