Everything about him screamed your future.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
