We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
