My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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