Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
