Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
