you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need to calm my uterus...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
