Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
