the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
