I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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