He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
