Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
