dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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