This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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