dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
