no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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