you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
