quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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