my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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