Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
