Who wears a wallet chain?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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