so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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