Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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