Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize