When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
