Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
