At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
