I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was so not down for the gang bang
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
