i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
