now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
