Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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