No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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