You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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