didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
