Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
