"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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