i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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