I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
