What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
