If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
