Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
