I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
