I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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