omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize