Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
