I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
