I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
