Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
