At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize